Bubba Ray's Blog

Slash's Autobiography

2007-12-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

I'm one of the biggest Guns N' Roses fans in the world, and basically started playing guitar because of Slash, but I was a little underwhelmed. Not because it wasn't well written -- that wasn't the case -- but mainly because Motley Crue have already done the definitive L.A. metal autobio.

While I'd rather listen to GNR in most cases than the Crue, I rate "The Dirt" higher than "Slash" for a few reasons.

One, it came out first, and completely raised the bar for tell-alls about sleazy metal band behavior. There have been other books about bands raising hell -- the Led Zep bio "Hammer of the Gods" is probably seen as the standard bearer -- but most of those books, "Hammer" included, face some serious challenges to their authenticity, none of which have been leveled at Motley. Frankly, if it hasn't already, "The Dirt" is probably going to replace "Hammer" as the one that critics refer to most often in the future for a while when referencing historic rock debauchery.

I'm not saying that the Crue seemed crazier than GNR, did more drugs, drank more drinks, etc., but other than his alcohol intake at the peak of his alcoholism (almost a gallon of vodka during the day followed by shots of whiskey and beer chasers all night), there wasn't much that made me raise an eyebrow Slash's book.

Also, the Crue tome is also more effective in that it presents the perspective of each member of the group, whereas Slash's book is a more conventional autobiography that just has his take on his career. Slash deserves a certain amount of credit for noting that Axl has his own take on things every time he blasts Axl's selfishness that ultimately led to the demise of the band in everything but the name. But I was left wondering what Axl would have said...or what Steven Adler or Izzy Stradlin or Gilby Clarke would have had to say.

Another disappointment is that you get very little insight into the music, beyond some of the obvious stuff ("My Michelle," in case it wasn't obvious, is about a girl whose dad worked in the pornography business and mom o.d.'d. But you probably already knew that if you had ears to listen to the music or eyes to read the lyric sheet). Even though Slash wrote a lot of the music, it's not necessarily too informative to read something like "Me and Duff wrote that one while jamming in Chicago," or whatever. I guess that for the most part we'll have to wait for Axl's book...hope it comes out faster than "Chinese Democracy."

One interesting tidbit in this area though is the origin of the "Where do we go now?" bit in "Sweet Child of Mine" coming from a discussion in the studio of where to take the song, not of, say, where the relationship with said girl might be headed.

All that said, the book accomplishes what Slash set out to do with it -- set some memories to print in case he forgets them later, and explains to all of us the hassle of dealing with Axl Rose and thus why we shouldn't ask him "dude, when are you getting the band back together?"

The Insane Cost of Autographs

2007-12-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

Just read on the Boston Globe site that Jacoby Ellsbury is signing autographs tomorrow -- cost is just $125 for him to sign a baseball or photo, and $150 to sign a bat or a shirt. In each case, you supply the item.

I can see this going on if ALL of the money is going to charity, but there's no mention of that. On one hand, I can understand the frustration of a celebrity who by signing an ordinary item with little value turns it into something worth much more, and doesn't get a cut. But these guys make millions -- Jacoby might not have his yet, but with his recent signing up with Scott Boras, they're clearly on the way. And in the mean time, I'll bet his contract with the Sox more than pays the rent.

I'm getting a little tired of the Globe and other media outlets covering the player's salaries -- and team profits -- in an exhaustive, breathless fashion, while rarely taking up the cause of the fan. More on that another time.

Santana Sweepstakes

2007-12-06T08:10:00.001-08:00

Am I the only one who thinks it's remotely possible that the Sox have been out of the running for Johan Santana for a while now, but that the team and Boston Globe are colluding to feed the perception that it could happen at any moment in order to drive up hits on the Globe site?

Given the 17% stake that the paper has in the team, is this harder to believe than the idea that the teams have really been going back and forth for the past week or whatever?

Random Things I've Been Obsessing Over

2007-12-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

1) Those asinine cell phone commercials with the smirky youngsters who blab about needing a phone that works in some smashing together of several cities. If I had three wishes, one would definitely be to punch every single one of those actors in the face so hard that the writers who came up with the commercials felt it.

2) Why did Black Sabbath make a huge shift from slow, doomy metal godliness to fast, generic L.A. metal (not that there is anything wrong with that) when Ronnie James Dio joined? Seriously, the music is almost unrecognizable as Sabbath when Dio joined. Say what you will about Sammy-era VH, but Eddy sounds like Eddy, even if not the same Eddy as before, if that makes any sense. I would normally chalk it up to a switch from pot to coke, but Sabbath had already made their LA coke album, in Los Angeles of course, with Vol. 4, which features the tip of the hat to coke with "Snowblind," so unfortunately I can't necessarily blame LA for this...

3) While it was romantic for Stevie Ray Vaughan to sleep with his Strat, was that really comfortable? Really?

4) And speaking of SRV, which is funnier -- people paying $8,000 for the limited edition "Lenny" Strat that is a replica of a guitar purchased at a pawnshop for $350 in 1980, or people spending $250 or more on replica cigar box guitars that are supposed to be like the ones that poor bluesmen started with? I say its a toss up -- the Strat is more expensive, but the cigar box guitars are just mindblowing....I would love to go back in time 60 years and tell the guys in the Delta that couldn't afford the cheapest of guitars about that one...

Et Tu, Papelbon?

2007-11-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

Remember when the Sox were trying to get A-ROD and dish Nomar at the same time, and one of the Red Sox -- Kevin Millar, wasn't it? -- said in an interview when it looked like a done deal that the deal sounded great and he'd probably rather have AROD than Nomar at short, and Nomar got all hurt?

How would you feel if you're Jon Lester or Coco Crisp, and you have Papelbon not only saying he likes the idea of the deal for Santana, but that Ellsbury is the one untouchable guy here? And that while the young players have promise, that you don't know if they can be on a championship team, especially when Lester won a Series game?

Pap was in a tough spot though. Other than no comment, there's probably not much to say there and not hurt anyone.

Anyway, the deal is probably a good one if it leaves out Jacoby and Clay Bucholz. But for some reason, my New England pessimism has me worried that Santana would come here and then blow out his arm or something.

From Boston.com

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon likes the idea of trading with the Twins and having Johan Santana on his team next season.

“I like it,” said Papelbon on sports radio WEEI’s Dennis and Callahan show this morning when he was asked about his thoughts on a possible trade that could send center fielder Coco Crisp, lefthander Jon Lester, shortstop prospect Jed Lowrie, and righthanded pitching prospect Justin Masterson to the Twins for Santana, Minnesota’s prized lefthanded ace.

“Here’s how you gotta look at it, it’s simple, you put together a team to try to win a championship every offseason right?” Papelbon said. “OK, if you can do that, and obtain a guy that could help you do that, which you know he can help do that, you do it. Yes, you do have a lot of faith in these young kids, but whoever may be in the equation as a young kid, you don’t know what they’re gonna do at a big-league level. You don’t know if they’re capable of being on a championship club. You know that with Santana.”

While Papelbon seems OK with sending teammates Jon Lester and Coco Crisp packing for Minnesota, he’s hesitant to part with rising star Jacoby Ellsbury.

“No, you keep him,” Papelbon said.

No More Office?

2007-11-20T08:29:00.001-08:00

I read something somewhere this morning about how NBC is out of new episodes of "The Office."

While I realize that being a scab is uncool, I'm willing to offer my services to write the show -- for a price, of course. I'm willing to forgo residuals on DVDs, etc.

Here' s a sample of what I have to offer:

PAM: Michael, corporate just called and said they want to move up the meeting in New York. They want to do today.

MICHAEL: That's what she said.

JIM: (LOOKS AT THE CAMERA, DOES THAT GOOFY JIM-FACE).

The Trouble with Red Sox Fans...

2007-09-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm hardly the first person to suggest that Red Sox fans have been spoiled by the team's success in 2004. But it never really bothered me until this weekend, when I was strolling outside Fenway and soaking in the Sox/Yankees atmosphere with my favorite sports writer.

Seeing and hearing the fans on the street and in the nearby bars set some thoughts in motion that I sputtered to express to Dan, but finally have become a little clearer to me.

What bothers me the most about the change in mentality of Sox fans is that they now expect the team to win the World Series every year. I'm not saying that I miss the days of waiting for the inevitable choke -- I definitely don't. But I thought that the Sox victory in 2004 would have simply erased the assumption that a collapse was inevitable, making it easier to relax and enjoy the action.

I did not want nor do I now enjoy this new attitude surrounding the Sox. The Globe sports writers, perhaps because 17% of their paychecks or whatever come from the Sox, haven't done much to quash it, as most of them have perpetuated the notion that the Sox would be going all the way this year, ignoring the collapses of even the past two years.

As an aside, am I the only one who is disturbed by the Globe's hawking of Sox merchandise through its own online store -- advertising is one thing, but this seems a little over the top when the sale of such merchandise directly benefits the paper's bottome line, and doesn't help to dissuade those who speculate that the writers give the Sox management an easy time because of the paper's stake in the team or whatever.

What Sox fans should have taken from '04 was a lesson never to give up, particularly after the dramatic comeback against the Yankees. That, coupled with the flipside of that coin from '03, '86, '78, etc, should have provided a healthy balance regarding the whole it ain't over til it's over thing.

Instead, the fandom is basically a mirror image of its Bronx counterparts, with slightly better accents.

A Conversation With A Co-Worker

2006-10-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

Him: I talked to one of [name deleted]'s former colleagues over the weekend and he insists that [name deleted again] ain't just Canadian, if you catch my drift.

Me: Like he has dual citizenship, if you know what I mean.

Him: That must be it, because apparently he spends time on both sides of the border.

Me: Sounds like he might be bilingual.

The Problem with the Internet (WTF, Rolling Stoned, Part 3)

2006-10-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

One of the big problems with the Internet is that it forces some people or publications to feel like they need to update more regularly than they are capable of churning out worthwhile stuff.

The latest evidence is this update from Rolling Stone, a site that has consumed a bit too much of my attention lately. I just find it mind boggling that someone could list a greatest hits collection from AC/DC as the never released album they'd most like to hear.

Come on! This isn't like the days before "Smile" came out on CD or Jimi Hendrix's estate released all his unreleased stuff on disc. You know what these songs sound like! In fact, if you write for a music magazine, and care at all about AC/DC, you probably own most of the albums. Those that you don't, well, haven't you heard the songs that would make it onto a greatest hits collection a brazillian times on classic rock radio anyway?

How do you imagine that wonderful day when AC/DC DOES release their greatest hits? Do you grab it from the rack, pay, and rush home, barely able to contain yourself as "Back in Black," "You Shook Me all Night Long," and "Highway to Hell" pump over your speakers?

WTF, Rolling Stoned? Part 2

2006-10-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

I know, the last post was like a cliffhanger, with all four people that read this blog wondering "what's going to happen?" Will Rollingstone EVER post the review to the new Lemonheads disc? Or are we supposed to pretend that we haven't heard "Big Gay Heart" before?

Well, wait no more!

I went to their site today, and the review of "Come on Feel" is no longer on the main page. But if you click on "more reviews," and then click to the next page after that, you do get to the review of the new self titled disc.

I guess the ending was kind of anti-climactic...yes, the review is posted...but you have to click a few times to get there...and they only get 2 + 1/2 stars.

Sorry if I blew this out of proportion.

WTF, Rolling Stoned?

2006-10-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one that has noticed that Rolling Stone's website features it's review of a Lemonheads disc from over 10 years ago, and not their recently released disc?

Click here

I noticed this about a week ago, and figured it would be quickly corrected. Guess not. They would probably explain it away as intentional...."Given how much it sounds like any other post-Hate Your Friends/Creator Lemonheads disc, it didn't really matter which review we posted." They'd have a point, but still, that's kind of lazy.

I hope the Bruins don't make a comeback...

2006-10-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

I was totally planning to renew my interest in the Bruins after coming back to Boston (following two or three teams from afar was hard enough, and they didn't make the cut). I've been reading about them in the Globe and Herald, watching some of the classic clips on NESN, and sat down to watch their game vs. the Islanders last night, only to be totally creeped out by the fact that their coach has a total Hitler 'stache. Seriously. If I knew how to use the Internet, or could even just follow the basic HTML skills that DanTobinDantobin.com tried to teach me, I'd post a pic here.

It is just too creepy...I thought last night that I'd be able to get over it and keep watching them, but I'd still weirded out over the thing. This is supposed to be their big comeback year, and I know that Dave Lewis is supposed to be a good coach and all, but I can't bear to look at him, and can't believe that anyone else can without envisioning Hitler. It seems freaky enough that I have to wonder if other people can stand it, are they using the Bruins to secretly fulfill their own Nazi desires, like people who watch porn with actress who are supposed to look like they are 14 but are actually 18+?

A REAL Sox fan, or a real weirdo...

2006-10-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

Wears a Doug Mirabelli replica jersey, which I saw for the first time at Shaws last night.

Which got me to thinking -- if Mirabelli told Dave Roberts that he was heading "back to the big leagues" when he was traded back to the Sox this past spring, what does Roberts say now that the Padres are in the playoffs, and the Sox, despite the second highest payroll in the majors, are not?

Obnoxious Things I Said Last Night at the Sox Game

2006-09-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

DanTobinDanTobin.com took me to the Sox game last night as his date. I was expected to put out at the end of the night, but since they were standing room seats, I figured it would be ok if I didn't go all the way.

We couldn't quite find the standing room section, so we sat down in some sweet seats just behind and to the right of first base, which was a beautiful angle, and no one came to claim their seats, so we were there the whole game, which put me in a great position to say a lot of obnoxious things that wouldn't have been possible in the standing room section (where I would have had to concentrate on standing up).

(after people in the row in front of us are booted out by the rightful ticket holders)

"THOSE AREN'T YOUR SEATS? WHY, I'M AGHAST!"

"No one seems to be coming to claim these seats -- who do you think is going to last longer, us or Josh Beckett?" (it was us)

(shortly before Willy Mo strikes out for the second or third time)

"He's worked the count to 0-2. This is right where he wants to be."

(after Willy Mo whiffs for the second or third time)

"Well Dan, we're getting the authentic Red Sox 2006 experience -- Beckett giving up home runs, and Willy Mo striking out)

Dan pointed out the Wally the Green Monster could be Lenny Dinardo, though he conceded it might be Rudy Seanez. This raised the question with me whether Wally would throw the souvenior t-shirts too hard at the people in the stands, or end up missing the little kids he was aiming for by 10 feet.

All in all, a beautiful night at the ballpark. Despite seeing them lose 11-0, probably the worst played Sox game I have ever seen, it's hard to beat a night a Fenway with a good friend, especially with those seats Dan got us!

Three MBTA Bus Drivers Are Taking a Smoke Break

2006-09-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

And arguing about Tom Brady's performance in last weeks' Patriots' loss to the Denver Broncos.

Kind of sounds like a set up to a joke, doesn't it?

First guy (younger, tallish) to his colleague (older, smallish)

"I'm tellin' ya, Krasno, I'm putting this glove on (puts glove on), and if you keep yellin' at me, someone here is going to look like a raccoon. And it's not me, it's not him (points to third driver) and it's not this guy right here (me)."

Stay tuned for an upcoming post where I outline my Phd thesis on Southie gangster literature.

Things I don't like

2006-09-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Every time I watch a Major League Soccer game on tv these days, I get all bummed out seeing people play soccer on a field covered with NFL logos, sidelines, etc. It just doesn't look right. I've tried to compile a list of other things that I don't like lately to go along with it, but I keep forgetting the ones that are more interesting, and only seem to remember that I hate the word "hella." But that's kind of weak...sort of like making fun of Courtney Love for being crazy or Britney Spears and K-Fed for being white trash (or people who still do the anothing first initial-part of last name thing). So sorry that this post wasn't all that it should have been, but if I didn't make it now, you wouldn't know how much it upsets me to see MLS teams playing on market up NFL fields. It's even worse than when you see the baseball/football mixture. I can't stand watching it at all.

Oh, ok, here's a decent #2 -- I hate when you go on iTunes and you only want one song from the album (in this case, the Sparklehorse cover of "Wish You Were Here" from the Lords of Dogtown soundtrack but also recently some of the Hendrix covers that were bonus tracks on Red Hot Chili Peppers' re-releases) but can't download it without buying the whole album. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF ITUNES!!!!!!

Thanks, West Coast Teams

2006-08-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

None of you would take David Wells off our hands over the winter/spring. NOW you want him. You guys are like some drunk staggering around at last call, having blown off all the non perfect 10s in the room early in the evening, but suddenly revising your standards. The whole "Wells is great in the post season" line is basically like "He or she looks great after 10 drinks."

I can't bring myself to hate the Dodgers because of their association with Sandy Koufax. But I absolutely hate the Padres.

Great Works in Literature

2006-08-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

"Rat Bastards," by John "Red" Shea, gets my vote for best literary work in the whole "Southie Gangster Genre," which is what I'd major in if I ever go back to school.

Here's a sample, with our author talking about a conversation in a local bar.

""I pause to tell some asshole to fuck off, some guy who wants to fuckin' commiserate about the poor MacDonald family. There's too much of that shit in Southie, drunks crying about this or that. Giving their own life meaning by sorrowing over something you couldn't do nothing about anyhow, especially now. 'Get the fuck out of here. I'll make you you fuckin weep," I say to this guy who says he used to watch me fight when Frank the Tank was in my corner. Frank this and Frank that. 'Do me a favor,' i say to this guy, 'go suck your own dick.'"

Best Dubbing Ever

2006-08-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

While flipping through channels tonight, my wife stopped on Dazed and Confused. It was right at the party scene, which is my favorite, particularly the part where Adam Goldberg has the confrontation with the greaser dude after saying "someone's been toking some reefer" on the way in.

However, E! totally kicked it up a notch with its dubbing including:

Someone's been toking some reefer = Someone's been smoking some stuff.

So what if I'm a pot head? = So what if I'm a total moron?

Who are you, Isaac fucking Newton = Who are you, Isaac mighty Newton?

I've got to watch the rest of the flick at some point to see the rest of the dubs.

Fuck Deion Branch

2006-08-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

Great player? Sure.
Want him on the Pats? Yeah.

But fuck anyone who, as Ron Borges of the Globe noted today, feels that the Patriots' offer of three years for $19 million "undervalued him enough to compel him to accept a $14,000-a-day fine for withholding his services despite having a year remaining on a five-year-old rookie contract that was due to pay him $1,045,000."

I'm a realist -- I know that pro athletes and other entertainers make a crazy amount of money and it is way out of proportion to that of, say, most of the people who scrape together enough money to buy a ticket to watch them.

But there is so much wrong with that sentence starting with

a) feeling undervalued at $19 million over three years. Take a random sample of Pats' fans at any given game and see who would turn down $19 million over three years to play football.

b) feeling so insulted that you'd take a $14,000 a day fine not to suffer under such an undignified contract and

c) being already under contract at more than $1 million annually, which has got to be at least 10 to 20 times the average salary of most Patriots fans.

Borges goes on to dig this ditch deeper with this gem about Deion's current contract: "Even that figure is skewed, however, because nearly half of it ($500,000) was a result of Branch hitting certain incentives last season, when he had a career-best 998 receiving yards to lead the team."

Oh my, how horrible that you would actually be required to perform well to earn $1 million! Now I REALLY understand why Deion Branch is holding out rather than, say, honoring his current contract.

I guess I'll just never understand why fans, who are stuck with increasingly high ticket prices to watch pro sports, have even the tiniest shred of simpathy for most of these athletes during their contract negotiations.

That woman was wrong!

2006-08-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

I once worked in the dairy section of a Super Stop and Shop on Cape Cod for a summer, and a woman who felt I didn't express sufficient excitement over serving her told me that I would "never amount to anything."

Boy was she wrong!

I have my very own blog where the top search term that brings people here lately has been "jackass things to do."

I'd love to run into her now and tell her that she can suck it!

BTW the other term driving people here is "Rick Sutcliff."

Big Papi

2006-07-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

Earlier tonight, while watching the Sox / Indians on ESPN, I was thinking about how lucky we are to be able to watch David Ortiz and Manny Ramierez batting together. Watching Ortiz bat, knowing the Manny is waiting in the wings, is about as good as it gets, I thought.

But even sweeter is watching the Sox gathering at home plate, waiting for Big Papi after yet ANOTHER walk off home run.

BTW, hats off to Theo for not making a trade at the deadline just because fans probably expected him to do so. Nothing on the table looked like it made sense.

I hate to beat a dead horse, but...

2006-07-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

From today's Boston Globe:

"It's no secret the Red Sox are looking for a starting pitcher. Maybe a lefthanded reliever."

Hmmm. Bronson Arroyo is a starting pitcher. And Mike Myers is a lefthanded reliever.

Lance Bass is Gay

2006-07-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

As my wife pointed out, the guy is stylishly dressed, well groomed, and can dance, and thus we shouldn't have been surprised.

Irony

2006-07-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

I need to update Wikipedia.
The new definition is "spitting your gum out at an SUV, but having it hit a Prius."
That is all.

Four Things I Dislike About Country Music

2006-07-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love country music from the cowboy boots to the pedal steel guitars, but here are somethings I don't love about it:

4) All the trucks. They're not fuel efficient, and encourage a dependence on foreign oil or destroying our own environment to find more of it here. Neither of which seem to jive with "country values."

3) "The Man in Black." I love Johnny Cash, but I absolutely can't stand people who claim that they hate country, but love Johnny Cash because he's the man in black. How many of these people own any of his old CDs, and like anything other than a) his mystique, which seems a bit forced to me, and b) one of the Rick Rubin-produced covers. They'll tell you they like the old stuff because of that "song where he shoots the man in Reno just to watch him die!" Not that those Rick Rubin discs aren't pretty good, but I think you see what I mean here. PS the movie was just OK.

2) The blind flag waving and jingoism. I thought country was supposed to have a rebellous streak?

1) Multimillionaires pretending to be regular dudes and gals with their drawling and fake folksy language. See anytime there is a combo of Gretchen Wilson, Big and Rich, Kid Rock and/or Hank Jr. on the screen together.

Why Did Josh Beckett Become Derek Lowe?

2006-07-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

I guess if he turns it on in the post season, and helps the Sox win their first World Series since 1918, it's ok, but am I the only one who thought we were getting someone more akin to Roger Clemens? Isn't having an 11-5 record, but an ERA above 5.00 kind of like being president but your VP and staff are doing all the work?

All the Celebrities I've Met, Part 2

2006-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

I met Jerry Glanville at a dive bar named Whitey's around the corner from my old apartment in Arlington, Va. He was in town to call a Redskins/49ers game, I believe. Anyway, at the time (98 or 99) I was unfamiliar with him other than being aware that he had been Bill Goldberg's coach when he was with the Falcons (my friend Crotch who is a big sports fan recognized him immediately).

I asked him what he had thought of Goldberg as a footballer, and he said that he didn't know, because Goldberg always seemed to be hurt. He also did this weird thing where he sort of backhanded me in the chest a few times...less like Ric Flair chopping and more like you'd pat someone on the back. Later on, after a few more beers I was having trouble working the newly installed electric eye thing on the bathroom sink, and Glanville came over and helped me out, and then backhanded me again.

F--- Daily Kos

2006-05-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

First of all, WTF is with the title? Is it like "Chaos?" Or like a KO in boxing? Or a play on the guy's name? Markos? Kos? Very cute.

I've never read the site...though I've seen plenty of stupid references to it by other losers in the media who think that associating with a blog makes them hip...kind of like when music reporters wore berets and called people "cat."

Anyway, I haven't been reading the Washington Post's "Outlook" section lately because the daily news is depressing enough without having to analyze it, but picked it up on a whim on Sunday. Boy, was that a mistake.

The tool who writes Daily Kos wrote a stupid column about how Hillary Clinton is unelectable.

First off, kudos to Kos for the idea. Very nice. Very original. Way to pick up on the not-so-subliminal message broadcast on Fox News around the clock.

Second, don't ever call someone unelectable, then hold up Howard Dean as your ideal. I'm not trying to knock Howard Dean, and I admire his, ah, individuality. But to call Hillary Clinton unelectable, and then blather on about Howard Dean is kind of like .... well, I don't need to patronize you. It's foolish.

Third, saying that Bill Clinton wrecked the Democratic Party is kind of like saying that Terry Francona wrecked the Red Sox. Yeah, there's a lot that you or I would do differently, but Clinton was a heck of a lot more successful than most other Dems have been probably since LBJ, and I don't feel like I'm going out on a limb with that one.

Fourth, if you're going to say that Clinton wrecked the Democratic Party, you better, as Uncle June says, come heavy, or don't come at all. Don't come with statements like Clinton failed to get more than 50% of the vote. It's idiotic on many levels, especially since the guy faced something rare in politics -- a legit third party candidate. Good luck to anyone getting 50% of the vote in that case.

Fifth, blaming Clinton for killing off the "Jesse Jackson wing" of the party is just bizzarre. Seriously, what impact has Jesse Jackson REALLY had, other than grandstanding on behalf of Tawana Brawley and other causes that are foolish at best. Oh, I forgot, his grandstanding in the bloody shirt while holding Dr. King has been mentioned in multiple rap songs. Bully for him!
If Clinton's sole achievement was to kill off that particular jackass wing of the Democratic party, that wouldn't be so bad.

As far as I'm concerned, Markos Moulitsas can take his "netroots" and stick them somewhere unelectable.

Shameless Name Dropping

2006-05-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

Did you know that I have had lunch with Mike Hayden?

As Kurt Angle would say, "Oh, it's true. It's damn true."

I wasn't going to say anything about this, but I've had blog writers block for the past few weeks, so forgive the obnoxious name dropping.

At the time (spring 2000, I think), Hayden was an Air Force 3-star and was head of the NSA. I went out there with some other guys from my office, and we had lunch in his private dining room, and saw his Steelers memorabilia. That's about all I remember from my trip to the NSA. Oh, and my salad had some gross hard boiled egg on it. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but I seem to remember him griping about Enemy of the State during lunch. If I sound bitter, it's only because I find the NSA totally impossible to deal with, especially since he left there to be the deputy director of national intelligence.

There. Aren't you glad I updated my blog? Wasn't this worth waiting three weeks? How many other news reports about Hayden getting tapped for CIA director had this kind of detail?

Tune in again three weeks from now for an exciting post about lunch with Lou Dobbs, serving a drink to Ted Kennedy, or what Pete Yorn REALLY thinks about Dinosaur Jr.!

Hate to say I told you so...

2006-04-22T05:51:00.000-07:00

... but obviously I was right, at least in the near term, about the Wily Mo Pena/Bronson Arroyo deal. With David Wells too feeble and stupid to pitch, and Keith Foulke not capable of closing at this juncture, forcing Jonathan Papelbon to close (like the best Sox closer since Lee Smith?), that seven man rotation is now looking like four, and Theo probably has to make a deal.

Who was it who says that you can't have enough pitching? Oh yeah, pretty much everyone. Now that we need a fifth starter, can Theo dial Cincinatti and invoke a "givies backsies" provision?

Given Pena's horrible fielding in right, and Bronson's emergence as a slugger, I'm wondering if the Sox shouldn't have kept Bronson and played him in right as a platoon with Trot against lefties. After all, he's hitting with more consistent power than Pena, and his fielding couldn't be worse.

Of course, if Bronson tails off, and Pena becomes more Barry Bonds (naturally, one would hope) than Pete Incavelia (sp?), Theo will be vindicated. I hope that is the case, as it's no fun being right about stupid deals like Larry Anderson for Jeff Bagwell, Mike Boddicker for Brady Anderson and Curt Schilling, etc.

I Hate Slapstick Comedy...

2006-04-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

at least when I'm the object of said comedy.

Over the course of two days, I have:

1) Taken a bottle of Tabasco from someone, not realized they had not tightened the cap, shook it up, and ended up with Tabasco all over my suit jacket, pants, and shirt. My Jerry Garcia tie, which probably would have hid the stain pretty well, was the only thing that escape unscathed.

2) Dropped a glass of single-malt scotch, and while the glass didn't break, and I was only misted by the fine liquor, it made a sound loud enough that it probably could have been heard if the space shuttle was taking off in the same room.

3) Walked directly into a hanging flower pot, which may have given me a concussion, but failed to take me off my feet. Score one for me!

Attn: Northern Virginia/DC Area Bandwagon Fans!

2006-04-01T20:47:00.000-08:00

Please exit the George Mason bandwagon slowly and one at a time, so no one gets hurt. You remember what happened last summer when so many of you exited the National's bandwagon at the same time and several people got trampled. Hey, cheer up -- it's almost time to go back to cheering for your new favorite college football team Virginia Tech anyway...

WTF, Patriots, WTF? Sox (pt 2)?

2006-03-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

Losing Willie McGinest and Adam Vinateri in the span of a week, (and AV the day after the Sox bid adieu to Bronson Arroyo) really sucks. I have a certain amount of blind faith in Bellichick, but I don't get this. I can only guess that guys like Vinateri feel they have done all they can in New England, and are looking for a new challenge.

The Arroyo deal sucks too. I really hope that Wily Mo Pena is ready to become an everyday star, which is going to entail striking out a whole lot less and walking a whole lot more. While the Sox have seven starters right now, I'd imagine this picture will look quite a bit different in the not too distant future -- how many more years do Schilling and Wakefield have in them, not to mention David Wells? Is Mike Timlin going to be pitching much longer? And what if someone or two (or three!) goes down to injury? I had some blind faith in Theo, but that is rapidly running out (Wade Miller, John Halama, Byung Hung Kim...)

Good luck Willie McGinest...

2006-03-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

It hurts to see you go. The blow is cushioned only by seeing an article next to that one about Johnny Damon's weak throwing arm being weaker than ever.

I may be gay, and I liked Blues Brothers 2000

2006-03-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

How come more people didn't like Blues Brothers 2000 after the first one is treated with such reverence? As far as sequels go, it wasn't the Godfather 2, but it wasn't Police Academy 6 either.

Sure, it didn't have John Belushi, and Dan Akroyd got a bit annoying at times, and some of the action scenes were dumb and the movie could have been trimmed from about 2 hours to 90 minutes (especially the car pileups and the zombie scene), and it did have a little kid sidekick, but he was pretty funny. As far as cute sidekicks go, he added some levity without veering into Jar Jar Binks territory.

Plus, there were some AWESOME jams in that movie, especially the final one that essentially rolled over the credits as well, which possessed me to put down my bowl of oatmeal and pick up my Danelectro to jam along. And it was cool as hell to see all the cameos by famous blues and soul guys.

I probably didn't have my wits about me (it was really early in the morning) when Akroyd and John Goodman walk past a pretty blonde with nice pouty lips sweeping the floor and my first thought was "she's cute!" and it turned out to be Jonny Lang. But that's Jonny Lang's fault for having such silky blonde hair and full, lusiciously painted lips that any chick would kill for. Those things must have been stung by like 20 bees at the same time. I didn't even realize it was him until he started wailing on a sweet Telecaster with twin humbuckers. However, he's at least a distant distant second to Jack Bauer on my "if I was going to switch teams list."

More Fun at Cinderella's Expence

2006-03-03T17:15:00.000-08:00

Just watched the video for "Don't Know What You Got 'Til It's Gone" again on VH-1 Classics, and had a few observations.

1)WTF is with the part where within three seconds, they cut to three different shots of Tom Keifer playing three different instruments. It's stupid enough in these videos when it's a few different performances spliced together, and the clothes and say, electric guitars and basses don't match from shot to shot. But having him shown inside of three seconds playing electric guitar, strumming an acoustic, and playing a piano is kind of dumb.

2)WTF is with the whole "guys in the band all playing somewhere and everyone is like a mile away from the other guys in the band" thing that happened in a lot of those videos. The singer and guitarists generally look ok in these things, but the bassists always look like lame asses. Seriously, who playes an unplugged electric bass all alone on a beach?

3)That brings me to the third and final WTF: the video ends with the sun having set, and we see the guys in the band all standing together on the beach, playing their instruments.....except for the drummer. We're supposed to believe that Fred Coury is making all those cymbol sounds by half heartedly slapping at his thighs while the rest of them pout and wail?

Awesome Things I've Seen this Weekend...

2006-02-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

1) Faith Rewarded, the NESN DVD about the 2004 Sox. Maybe the best part was footage of Dewey Evans talking to one of the 04 Sox before Game One of the World Series, telling him to go have fun, then desperately imploring him to "win it." Also, any glimpse of Dave Roberts, particularly the big steal, is a treat. There's just something about seeing that guy that pumps me up as much as anything about the 04 team. That and any time I see Big Papi. I get the feeling that if he weren't single handedly carrying the Sox at times, Big Papi could probably solve just about any problem in the world. Plus, the footage of Kevin Millar, particulary his handshakes where he develops his own to compete with the elaborate ones used by Latino players, is really funny.

Only drawback: Is there anyway to get NESN to re-edit the thing to remove that bastard Johnny Damon? I know it's wrong to say this, but if Osama Bin Laden, that Zarkawi guy in Iraq, and Johnny Damon were in the room together, and I could only punch two of them in the groin, I would punch Damon twice. (The military and its $400 billion-plus annual budget really ought to have given the other two the proverbial punch in the groin by now. Big Papi would have taken care of this problem on Sept. 12, 2001).

Runner up: I was watching the heavy metal show on VH-1 Classics, and saw Queensryche's "Empire" video for the first time in at least a decade. It's amazing that a song can have an interlude with the phrases "Fiscal Years 1987-88," "by way of comparision," and other words that belong in the New York Times, and not lose momentum.

Only drawback: The windmachine. In all but the most extreme circumstances, windmachines should be reserved for the hot female models, not men. It's the kind of thing that Johnny Damon would use while doing his stupid naked pull-ups.

Russia to Iran: Stop with the Nukes, mmmkay?

2006-02-20T16:07:00.000-08:00

Saw a news story today about Russia trying unsuccessfully to get Iran to quit building nuclear weapons today.

Yeah, I bet they tried REAL hard.
I can't imagine this communique being important enough to be a personal visit from Putin...he probably sent a text message or something.

Russia: Iran, quit building nukes, k?
Iran: Y?
Russia: U.S. hates it.
Iran: No!
Russia: kthnxby.

LOL at Don Rumsfeld

2006-02-18T13:44:00.000-08:00

Don Rumsfeld whined in a recent public speech that the U.S. military's PR machine somehow lags behind that of Al Qaeda, and blames this on Al Qaeda being capable of using modern technology.

According to a Reuters story posted on CNN.com:

The Pentagon chief said today's weapons of war included e-mail, Blackberries, instant messaging, digital cameras and Web logs, or blogs.

"Our enemies have skillfully adapted to fighting wars in today's media age, but ... our country has not adapted," Rumsfeld said.

"For the most part, the U.S. government still functions as a 'five and dime' store in an eBay world," Rumsfeld said, referring to old-fashioned U.S. retail stores and the online auction house respectively.

----

I don't know which is worse, Rumsfeld feeding people this line of bull or news services like Reuters eating it up.

It's kind of funny because I routinely exchange email with Pentagon spokespeople and get responses from their Blackberries. There have been stories written about the use of blogs by top Pentagon officials. How can Rumsfeld even begin to make these comparisons?

The Pentagon runs on an annual budget of more than $400 billion. I'm guessing that's a heck of a lot more than Al Qaeda. I'm also guessing the Pentagon has WAY more PR people than Al Qaeda, and pays them much better too (civilians in these positions typically make $50,000-$100,000+). These public affairs offices all have modern computers, their own websites, and plenty of resources.

If Rumsfeld thinks his public affairs people are all stupid (and in many cases he's right, trust me -- I deal with these people everyday), he should begin a massive purge and consider outsourcing most of this work to the private sector.

But the bigger picture is that he's making an excuse for why his war on terrorism is going so poorly and is only getting worse, given the new terrorist hot bed that he created in Iraq. We deserve better. Better excuses at least.

AP Headline: "Senators: Cheney Should be Probed in Leak"

2006-02-12T12:18:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing this was the work of Senators Beavis and Butthead. Huh huh, huh huh.

Is Being a Metrosexual Worse than Being Old?

2006-02-11T17:28:00.000-08:00

After spending several minutes cursing the gym for not having facial moisturizer in the locker room, I spent even more time patting myself on the back for having a trial size in the car for emergencies.

In my own defense, my face and neck get irritated from the grappling at jiu-jitsu class, and it is a good idea to moisturize your face after every time you wash it, particularly during the winter.

Signs That I'm Getting Old...

2006-02-10T20:24:00.000-08:00

3)Most web searches that bring people to this blog are for Whitney Houston or Donald Rumsfeld.
2)I left a concert at a club last weekend because it was too loud.
1)I think Tina Fey is not funny with all her toilet humor.

Why Can't Horatio Sans Keep a Straight Face?

2006-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

I mean, seriously, it's a skill that the average kid in a high school play can pull off.

Sitting on your hands is nice...

2006-01-31T19:11:00.000-08:00

...but a much better State of the Union protest would have been if all the Democrats got up and walked out when Bush started talking.

Would it be a huge violation of Washington protocol? Sure.

But it would have made a much bigger statement regarding the war in Iraq, and the general approach that the administration has taken over the past four years or so.

What could Bush do in retaliation? Spend hundreds of billions fighting a war they don't agree with? Deploy a missile defense systems they don't support? Nominate conservative justices to the Supreme Court?

At the same time, the commentators tonight mentioned the previously reported rumours of the Democratic party looking for a primary challenger for Joe Lieberman due to his support for the war. Here's a tip, jackasses, you need every one of those congressional seats you can get. How about you don't waste the time, effort, and dollars needed to take back the seats you don't currently have in an effort to knock off a member of your own side?

Hi Theo

2006-01-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

You know the part in the beginning of Swingers when Mikey and the guy who is later in Office Space are talking in the diner, and the guy from Office Space tells Mikey that his ex-girlfriend will only come back once he's totally gotten over her? That's how I feel about Theo Epstein coming back to the Red Sox.

I mean, look, Ben and Jerry's even had a flavor named for his replacements! What, did Theo suddenly get over the whole "I don't care about money, I just want to help the poor like my brother" thing?

Can Jay-Z Ever Stay On Message?

2006-01-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but seriously, can Jay-Z stay on message?

He seems to have a habit of popping up on other people's songs, only to deliver a cool little rap that bears no relation to the rest of the song he's on.

A prime example is Jay-Hova showing up on Kanye West's "Diamonds from the Sierra Leone." Does he rap about diamonds? Modern day slavery? Or anything else that Kanye is so earnestly talking about?

Nooooooooooo. It's all about Jay-Z, how he used to sell crack, his career isn't really over, etc. It sounds great and all, but what does it have to do with the song? It's the equivilant if Donald Rumsfeld got on the mic at a Pentagon press conference, kicked some knowledge about how great the Iraq war is going, turned the mic over the Peter Pace, the chairman of the joint chiefs, and Pace busted a rap about how much money he's going to make once he retires and goes to work consulting for big defense contractors or whatever.

Another example -- Jay shows up on Beyonce's "Crazy in Love." She's talking about how crazy in love she is (probably with him) and what does he do? Talk about how awesome his rap skills are. It's the equivilant if my wife snuggled up to me and spent a few minutes talking about how much she loves me, and why, and my response was to agree and add a few things she missed.

People Who've Covered "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace Love and Understanding Include:

2006-01-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

Steve Earle
The Ataris
Keb Mo
Whitney Houstan

05/06 Patriots

2006-01-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hey, they still won the division. And Flutie's drop-kick made the whole season worthwhile in my book.

Fun with Sports and Bars

2006-01-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

While I love football, bar food, and of course, beer, I sometimes crack up at the way bars try to market themselves around sporting events. I'm on the email list for one local place (I've blocked out the name) because they have great food and it gives more coupons for free stuff sometimes. I got this email from them the other day. After you read it, check out the response I was considering sending them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yep. Once Again We Predict a Skins Victory!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jeremy

Look at it this way. When they win, where do you want to be?
Home alone or at XXXX with a crowd of Skins fans, a ton
of TV's and all the great food you love to eat (not to mention
plenty of cold beverages) So don't be left out - get in here
tomorrow and watch the game at your friendly neighborhood
XXXX. Oh and enjoy the Skins victory. We will for
sure.

Get your butt in here Saturday and be sure to come early!!!

Okay if you can't make it, don't forget to stock up on Wings,
Chili and Nachos to go. We have the best Wings in town you
know that and your friends will say, "Outta sight man!"

XXXX - General Manager

-------

Dear XXXX:

What's up dawg? I am just as psyched as you are
for the Skin's game tomorrow! I know that they are
going to beat Seattle! Those Starbucks drinking
punks won't know what hit them! The only good thing
that ever came out of that place is grunge music,
and that trend has been dead since like 1996. Am I
right or am I right? Anyway, you KNOW I wouldn't be
watching the game alone, and I always love to watch
it with a bunch of other Skins fans on all those TVs
at your place -- not to mention all the cold
beverages and the wings -- but I've got a nap
scheduled that conflicts with the Skins/Seattle
game.

Maybe next time.
BubbaRay

Random Thoughts from an NBA Game

2006-01-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

I attended a Washington Wizards game at the MCI (soon to be Verizon) Center last night with my friend Steve. Like most people there, we had corporate tickets that we didn't pay for. Here are a few things I thought about:

1) We got to our seats about five minutes before introductions/tip-off. There must have been a total of roughly 200 people there at that point.

2) Is it really necessary for the PA system to keep blaring rap music DURING the play?

3) Can anyone reliably hit an open jumper or a relatively uncontested layup?

4) No? OK, can anyone reliably bring the ball up the court without any press going on and not cough up the ball?

5) Those inflatable sticks are fun to bang and stuff, but it's annoying when the guy behind you is doing it in your ear. And no, I'm not being a hypocrite, because there was no one in front of me in my section for the entire game.

6) If some dufus is going to get called out of the crowd and has an oportunity to hit a 3-point shot and if he hits, the whole crowd gets free pizza, and he misses badly (skimmed the backboard, no rim), he's just making things worse if he grabs the ball and follows up with an airball.

7) If little kids are going to be featured in a dunk contest on like 4 foot rims during a time out, they should to more than basic dunks with 2-hands in front. I want to see windmills, behind the back or through the legs moves....is this what dunk contests are going to look like when these kids inherit the earth?

8) However, the young kids (junior high or younger) who played some game at half time were really short, but they appeared to have better fundamentals than the NBA players.

9) So NBA basketball in DC in 2006 isn't what NBA basketball was in Boston in 1986, but from what I've heard, it's not in Boston in 2006 either. Hopefully it's more similar though.

10) One last funny thing before I christen myself Bill Simmons: I'm in the elevator in the parking garage on the way in, and a man is there with his little son who was wearing a Virginia Tech sweatshirt. I look at the kid, then look at the man and say "He's not going to stomp on my leg, is he?"

It took the guy a second to realize I was referring to Marcus Vick's bowl game antics (the look on his face initially was that he thought I was referring to the fact that the two of them were black) but he thought it was funny.

My Blog...Now with links!

2006-01-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

Thank you, DanTobinDanTobin!

Too much Toads at Barnes and Noble

2006-01-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

I don't think it was very noble at all for them not to carry ANY Thin Lizzy CDs while they had several copies of everything in the Toad the Wet Sproaket oavre.

Has time not been kind to Thin Lizzy? I remember when they were classic rock, and Toad were relatively popular newcomers that could easily be relegated to the "new crap that is on the radio" catagory. Thin Lizzy didn't even have a card marking their spot in the Ts!

It made me mad enough to punch a National's fan in the nuts.

Already screwed up the resolutions

2006-01-05T18:22:00.000-08:00

...by breaking the one about "not reading any more books about the 2004 Red Sox."

My will power is really astounding.

Top JackAss things to do in 2005

2005-12-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

I can't decide whether it is to talk about how much it meant to you to go through the Yankees in 2004 to bring the World Series Championship to Boston, then turn around and go play for the Yankees, or to wear one of those cell phone things clipped to your ear, and don't take it off, like, ever, so that people think you are really cool.

I'm not making this up...

2005-12-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

Given my newfound hatred for Johnny Damon, I dumped him from my Sox team on my PS2 video game (MVP 04), and replaced him with the man the Sox should have never dealt in the first place, Dave Roberts.

I then played the Yanks with the new lineups, and beat them 9-2. Damon's gimpy arm accounted for at least five of those runs scoring, and he went 1-4. Meanwhile, Roberts played the field flawlessly and went 4-5.

Thank you, PS2!

Re: Johnny Damon

2005-12-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

From an email I sent to DanTobinDantobin.com

(Damon is quoted in today's Boston Globe as saying)
''My message to Sox fans is I tried," Damon said. ''I tried everything in my power. Unfortunately I know they are going to be upset."

Translation: "F--- you. F--- all of you who can barely afford a ticket to a game because salaries like mine are so high. F--- all of you who will never make in your lifetime the difference between the $40 million deal the Sox offered and the $52 million from the Yanks. F--- all of you who were stupid enough to believe us that beating the Yanks in the playoffs in
2004 and bringing the championship to Boston meant anything other than increasing our value on the free-agent marketplace. F--- all of you -- me and my stripper wife are out of here!"

--
I realize those are more words than he used, but I'm pretty sure that it's a close translation.

BubbaRay's Buyers Guide: Best and Worst CD's of the Year

2005-12-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

I bought seven CDs this year, so I feel totally qualified to review what's hot and what's not, and what should be on your Christmas or Hannukah list.

Best Soundtrack: I bought one. The soundtrack to "24." You can drive around in your car and pretend to be Jack Bauer. It's totally sweet.

Best New Rock Album: tie:Coldplay "X&Y" and Death Cab for Cutie "Plans." I bought three, so this catagory had the stiffest competition. The best songs on "Plans" pretty much make me want to kill myself....so why do I skip all the others and just listen to those on the way to work? I pretty much only listen to "Fix You" from the Coldplay disc but the rest sound kind of cool when I accidently play them.

Most Dissapointing New Rock Album: The third one: Foo Fighters "In Your Honor." Critics are doing a major disservice to Led Zep by comparing this one to "Physical Graffiti." The only similarity is that they're both double albums. Whoa. The resemblence is spooky. Talk about lazy reviewing. The electric disc is so limp I don't dare put on the acoustic one. "Best of You" is pretty rockin', though Dave Grohl professed in a recent interview that he almost left it off the album because thought it was a lame War-era U2 ripoff. Yeah. Right. I'm sure.

Best Greatest Hits: This is another one that came down to the wire, but Cinderella wins it with "Rocked, Wired and Bluesed."

Most Dissapointing Greatest Hits: The other one I bought - a double disc of Black Sabbath. It's shocking how wussy those guys were. Seriously. I bet the wallet inspector had a field day with those guys.

Now What Am I Going to Call My Band?

2005-12-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

I just found out that "Cannibal Whore Feast" is already taken.

Guess I'm back to square one.

Awesome, But Weird Dream

2005-12-11T06:48:00.000-08:00

I was a new utility player for the Sox, and got into the game as a pinch hitter (made an out, so at least the dream was semi-realistic; another dose of realism was that I had a few articles of dirty laundry scattered around the dugout). We were leading in the top of the 9th by a run or two, and the other team (I think the Orioles) got some men on base. Then their next hitter hit a ground ball, and James Brown, who I guess also made the Sox, came bolting out of the dugout and grabbed the ball. The umpire flipped out and DQ'd us, ruling that the game was over and the O's won. Still, it was way, way better than the typical dreams I've been having lately; I'm back at school and haven't studied and its finals time or I'm in a play that I haven't rehearsed for, or people are chasing me, etc.

The dream is somewhat easy to deconstruct: I just watched Fever Pitch with my wife and declared it to be the best movie ever; I was looking at DanTobinDanTobin.com before going to sleep and marveling at the side by side pictures of him and James Brown; James Brown probably can't be trusted to do anything other than sing and act like a "Sex Machine;" I need to do some laundry.

Should I be Ashamed?

2005-12-10T21:49:00.000-08:00

I think "Lost Horizens" by the Gin Blossoms is one of the great under appreciated songs of the '90s.

Please don't use that against me as a trump card in any music related argument.

But how can you not like a song with a chorus that includes the words "Drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves?"

It's fast enough to be rockin', melancholy enough to brood over a bit, and has the words "drunk drunk drunk."

Pretty close to mathematical perfection in my book.

WTF Red Sox?

2005-12-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Not that I wouldn't love to see them come back, but am I the only one a little baffled by these rumors of the Sox reaquiring Orlando Cabrera and/or Dave Roberts?

It didn't make a whole lot of sense to let either of those guys go last year, but how does the team justify bring them back, particularly since it will involve dishing Manny and David Wells.

At this point, is it being left unsaid that Boy Wonder Theo screwed up big time last winter? I'll be eternally grateful to him for putting together the first championship team in 86 years but his record from last year is, well, not so good.

Pedro and Derek Lowe are both allowed to walk, and both have better seasons than 2004 (though they may have the National League's lack of DH to thank).

They are replaced by Matt Clement who was good in the first half, lousy in the second.

David Wells, who was pretty good.

Wade Miller (LOL)

Matt Mantei (LOLOL)

John Halama (LOLOLOL)

Cabrera is replaced by Edgar Renteria, who's an expensive bust that they're trying to unload. This one is especially mystifying -- Renteria goes from Gold Glover to worst fielding short stop around, and blames difficulty playing a pressure-cooker city like Boston? Wasn't Theo supposed to be an expert on chemistry?

Playoff hero Roberts is dealt for Jay Payton, who whined his way out of town.

With the Sox hurting for better pitching, Theo couldn't get a deal done. But he walks away, and in a matter of weeks, the team acquires a 25 year old pitcher who was the 2003 World Series MVP.

Just about the only decent deal Theo pulled off last year was for Tony Graffanino. It was nice knowing you, Tony -- say hello to Mark Loretta on your way out! And Jason Varitek and Kelly Shoppach, let's hope you figured out Wake's knuckler!

Anyway, somehow I think there will be life after Theo.

Oh Yes I Did!

2005-11-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

I choked someone wearing a Washington Nationals shirt today.

Before you say "Oh no you didn't," let me assure you, oh yes, I did.

As has been made quite clear in my previous posts, I hate the Nationals fans, and have frequently mentioned my desire to inflict violence upon them.

Today, I finally had my chance to do as much.

OK, fine, here's where the post gets less interesting. A guy from my jiu-jitsu class came in today wearing a Nats shirt under his kimono. I saw this during warmups, and knew that I had to do something about it. When it came time to spar, I called him out, and repeatedly choked and armlocked him.

After a while, I told him "Sorry, but I hate the Nats."

And he says, "Oh me too, I just borrowed the shirt from someone. I'm actually a Red Sox fan!"

That took a bit of wind out of my sails.

The NY Times Says "F--- A-Rod"

2005-11-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

Well, not exactly. Is me saying "F--- A-Rod" after reading the NY Times close enough?

Here's the thing: A-Rod wins the MVP because, in his words, he was a great infielder and he had better offensive stats too.

Well, according to A-Rod's current hometown paper, the NY Times, David "I Love it When You Call Me Big Papi" Ortiz was way, way, more valuable. By, like, a factor of 3.

Ok, again, I'm reading between the lines, but here's a quote from the Old Gray Lady:

"The statistic known as "in late and close situations" is defined as at-bats in the seventh inning and beyond when the player's team is ahead by one run or is tied, or the potential tying run is at least on deck. In those situations, Ortiz hit .346 with 11 homers and 33 R.B.I.; Rodriguez was at .293 with 4 homers and 12 R.B.I. Ortiz also batted .352 with runners in scoring position, 62 points higher than Rodriguez."

Not to take anything away from A-Rod....Frankly, I may be in the minority here, but I believe that had the Sox worked out the Manny for A-Rod deal and then dealt Nomar for an similarly skilled outfielder, they would have still won the World Series and may not have needed to wait for the post-Nomar trade jolt to make their big run during the regular season. But I digress.

F--- A-Rod. F--- that karate-chopping, no good, cheating, bastahd.

I am the baddest sign writer alive...

2005-11-13T17:21:00.000-08:00

I left our laundry basket in the laundry room of our building while my load was going in the dryer, and when I came back, it was gone.

I immediately left into action, wrote a sign demanding our laundry basket's safe return, and marched up there with my sign in one hand, and scotch tape in the other.

And what was waiting for me there? The basket. My sign was so effective that it did not even have to be posted to put a serious scare into the thugs who took the basket.

John Lee Hooker

2005-11-06T17:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure there's any point in listening to albums other than Hooker N' Heat. In comparison, most don't matter.

I'll go outside tomorrow

2005-10-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from jiu-jitsu class around 1:30pm, thinking to myself that it was such a nice day, I had to spend it outside. Maybe walk to Georgetown or something.

After taking a bath and having lunch, I feel asleep for a few hours, woke up, watched Guns N' Roses and Kiss behind the music specials, then messed around on the computer til now (almost 9p.m.).

Hopefully taking a walk to go for dinner still counts as making use of a nice day.

"Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old"

2005-10-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

My wife took me out for my birthday (31) last night, and after dinner we stopped by a local icecream shop. Most of the people who work there look like high school kids. They were playing a mix of '80s music that included Billy Ocean's song about getting out of dreams and into cars when it hit me and I whispered to my wife "THESE PEOPLE WEREN'T BORN WHEN THIS SONG CAME OUT!"

It was weird, I guess the same way people who were 30 or so looked at kids like me who were listening to Led Zep and the Dead back in the 80s/90s. I started having some other related thoughts -- that Guns N' Roses' first album is older than Aerosmith's first disc was when I started listening to GNR; that my first electric guitar that I bought in '91 is old enough that had I bought a similarly old guitar back then I would have considered it vintage.

Oh well, enough of that.

BTW, big ups to boski93 and other White Sox fans who stuck with them all these years despite the lack of success and the fashionable cache of rooting for those "lovable losers" the Cubs. I've only run into two Chicagoans in recent months (and unfortunately work next to one of them) and both immediately sold out their Cubs allegiance for the Sox once the post-season began. Disgusting. One of my collegues who is an accomplished blues guitarist himself told me that Muddy Waters used to watch White Sox games while sitting in his underwear and drinking champagne, so I'm glad for both him and boski.

F*** Friendster

2005-10-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

OK, so everyone's all mad at Friendster because you can now view whoever is looking at your profile, and that keeps you from cyber-stalking people at stuff. So I go to check out who is cyber stalking me, and there's nobody. Nobody's viewed my profile in like forever. F*** Friendster. Now I can't even fool myself into thinking I'm popular enough to be cyber stalked.

Cinderella

2005-10-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

My wife gave further evidence to why it was a good idea that I married her last weekend when I suggested that she choose the next CD during our road trip to northern New Jersey, and she chose a Monsters of Rock compilation.

There's a lot of good '80s metal on there -- Ratt's "Round and Round," Quiet Riot's "I Wanna Rock," and many more, but the one song that really tripped me up was Cinderella's "Nobody's Fool."

In the interest of full disclosure, I will freely, nay, proudly, admit that I recently bought Cinderella's "Rocked, Wired, and Bluesed," greatest hits disc, so I'm a bit of a fan of their bluesier take on metal, but "Nobody's Fool" just sounds silly.

It's certainly not the first song that I've thought didn't rock as much as it did, say, four months ago when I bought "Rocked, Wired, and Bluesed," not to mention as much as it did back in '89. But I just don't think it's a good idea to proclaim "I'm not your fool!/Nobody's fool!" in a voice roughly as high and quavery as your average eunach.

It brought to mind a vision of a potential video for the song (I haven't seen one if it already exists) where the singer confronts his girlfried who is probably cheating on him/stealing his money/stealing his lipstick, and she's got her posse of denim/spandexed/teased hair/too much make-up '80s mall chicks around her, and he's got the rest of the guys in Cinderella, who are basically just prettier versions of her friends, and she's kind of laughing in his face and calling him a chump. Then he wags a finger in her face, and proclaims "I'M NOT YOUR FOOOOOOOOOL!" and his bandmates lean forward and harmonize with "NOBODY'S FOOOOOOL, NOBODY'S FOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Then they dance around a bit, and head off to buy some more Aqua Net.

Yankees' Misfortune Soothes My Pain...

2005-10-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've been reluctant to post for the past week or so, in part out of being busy, but mostly because just about the only thing on my mind has been the Red Sox, and I think I make a lousy sports blogger except maybe when I'm talking about punching geriatric Nat's fans.

Anyway, I feel like the pain I felt from watching the Sox lose on Friday night has been entirely erased by the Yankees' loss to the Angels. As a Sox fan, we don't expect to win it all, and frankly the only real disappointment in the Sox losing to the White Sox was that it ended the celebration of 2004 (not in my heart or mind though). But Yankees fans have an air of entitlement that I'm not sure exists elsewhere in American sports.

Here's a question -- is there a Sox fan who would really want to trade places with a Yanks fan? Most of us who are old enough to remember the joy of watching the Celtics dominate the NBA know it's a different pleasure than the wild adventure and the ultimate result of the 86 year-old quest.

I wanted to leave you with a post I made on an Internet forum about Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu of all things with a Yankees fan that I have met in person. Like many other Yankee stadium miscreants, and far too many other men in the NY area, he's under the impression he's an extra from Goodfellas or the Sopranos.

Someone on that board made a post about wondering if the guy in question was going to commit suicide with the latest Yanks playoff loss, and I responded that it was hard to feel sympathy for a team with their winning history and owner who buys all the best players.

This dude flipped out (and unfortunately the thread appears to have been deleted) and told me that I was repeating a tired line used by people who "don't know shit" about baseball, since the Yanks had been successful with homegrown prospects in the 90s. Ironically, after questioning my intelligence (that I never professed to have -- I'm no boski93) on the matter, he went on to whine about how he owns a ticket agency, and probably lost $30,000 that he expected to make based on the (typical Yanks fan mentality) idea of them going to the series. He then blamed the Yanks recent string of post season misfortune to Steinbrenner bringing in players who don't contribute to the team chemistry.

I cheerfully reminded him that Yanks fans get all excited when Steinbrenner whips out his wallet and signs Contreras, A-Rod, and Randy Johnson, and only whine about chemistry when the latest mercenary doesn't deliver the expected World Series Crown.

So that's all for today....stay tuned for a (hopefully) witty post about the lyrics and singing in Cinderella's "Nobody's Fool" being unlikely to convey the desired effect.

AP: Seattle Wants to Outlaw Lap Dances...

2005-10-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

Don't they know that if you outlaw lapdances, only outlaws will have lapdances?

F---- the Nationals, Pt. 2

2005-09-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

I hope that I'm wrong, but all signs point to the Sox/Yanks game not being shown on the Fox affiliate here tomorrow, with a likely culprit being a totally meaningless National's game.

I plan on punching the first person I see outside tomorrow wearing a Nat's hat, even if they are like 90 years old.

Steve Earle

2005-09-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

Steve Earle's "Rich Man's War" has been one of my favorite songs for the past year, but the only thing better than listening to it from the album is hearing it live, solo acoustic, particularly when he dedicates it to Cindy Sheehan who was standing a few feet from him (and me and my wife in the front row) who had just ripped the president (who is currently away from his Pennsylvania Ave house that sits nearby) a new one.

Johnny Damon -- Better Leadoff Man than Author

2005-09-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

My dad has already basically informed me that I am a nerd for critiquing Johnny Damon's autobiography "Idiot: Beating 'The Curse' and Enjoying the Game of Life," so you don't have to. And yes, a key member of the team that FINALLY brought home the World Series title after so many decades of heartbreak should receive a lifetime "get of of jail free card." But I will share with you a few observations. For those who have not done so, I took this book out of the library so you don't have to...

According to Johnny:

-- The Boston press is really horrible. According to him, they never leave the players alone. He later states that Nomar had it so bad in Boston because they only bothered Nomar and left everybody else alone. See a contradiction? Yeah, me too. I also kind of wonder if his, and other people's as well, bashing of the press is really a veiled way of slamming the fans. But anyway....

-- The Red Sox were so popular in 2004 because of the whole "Idiots" persona thing. He doesn't address that it might have been, as I would contend, because people recognized that ownership had plugged the only remaining weaknesses in the off season by picking up a dominant starter (Curt Schilling, who they never ever should have traded in the first place back when he was a prospect and I said so at the time...) and a real closer (Keith Foulke).

-- Johnny Damon is a total stud. OK, this much is obvious, but he could be a little more humble and say, gentlemanly, by not going on about how he gets so many chicks calling him for one night stands, he needs a separate cell phone just for this function. And it's really "spooky" that a chick would have a one night thing with him, and think it meant more.

-- Johnny Damon is the best centerfielder around, and probably should have been MVP every year in recent memory. He's constantly throwing around quotes from teammates like Schilling who apparently shower him with verbal blow jobs like, AND I READ, "Dude, you don't know how amazing you really are....You're one of the best players I've ever watched." That's just one of many examples of the rave reviews he regularly receives from his teammates. However, when it comes to his high school career, he relies on himself to talk about how he was the best ever.

-- Pretty much everyone who has played on the team since he got here is above reproach. Pedro, according to Johnny, "Often doesn't get the respect he deserves." Never mind the fact that he was nearly universally regarded as the best Sox pitcher EVER amongst fans and the local media. Gee Johnny, do you think the fact that Pedro got some negative press last year was because his ERA went way up, and he mainly kept his win total up, like Derek Lowe (another guy who Damon felt the need to serve as an apologist for), because the Sox had awesome offense?

-- Kevin Millar was struggling at the plate because Doug Mientkiewicz was taking away his at bats. Never mind that he states this after earlier noting that Mientkiewicz, after starting a few games, basically served as a defensive replacement for Millar at the end of games.

To be fair, the book does present at times an interesting perspective on the past two seasons. However, I still maintain that the only Sox-related literature that you need from the 2004 season is the Sports Illustrated "Sportsmen of the Year" article, which was eons better than Damon's or Stephen King's books on the topic...

Attn: Men of Hip Hop Nation

2005-09-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

My wife says you are acting like girls.

Exhibit A: Constantly dropping the names of expensive brands in your songs, leading your fans to feel they need to brag about things things as well. You know who does this? Chicks.

Exhibit B: The sneakers. You may imagine yourself a real gangsta, but having a closet full of expensive sneakers makes you more Imelda Marcos than John Gotti.

Exhibit C: The grooming products. Vibe magazine was mistakenly sent to our apartment for two years until I put a stop to this stack of stapled together sneaker and grooming product adds. Listen up, and I will whisper a secret to you: IT'S VERY, VERY GIRLY.

Things You Don't Need to Do Anymore: At Concerts

2005-09-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

This is inspired by two concerts my wife and I attended on the past two weekends (after not seeing any for a long time).

1) Act like you will have a say in whether people sit or stand.

We went to see Steve Miller at an outdoor amphitheater last Saturday night. Great concert, great jamming, marred only by the incongruous rapping by the keyboard player during their lengthy "Fly Like an Eagle" jam, and a small group of dopes right behind us.

We were on the lawn, and when the music started, the people in front of us (and many others) stand up and start dancing or otherwise rocking in their own way. So we stand up, only to have the group of (and I'm guestimating here) 45-70 year olds behind us start hollering for everyone to sit down. After a short time, I turn around and semi apologetically say "sorry, but if we did sit down, we wouldn't be able to see over the people standing in front of us."

They ignore this, and continue yelling. To make a long story short, they started throwing stuff, and hit the woman standing next to me. I turned around and told them to cut it out. I found it pretty irritating that I had to suggest to a group of people old enough to be my parents that I'd put a beating on them if they didn't stop acting like little brats.

At a rock concert, you just might have to stand up.

2) To follow on to the first rule, you (in this case, the artist) don't need to make the token black guy in a band rap.

3) If it's a mellow show, let the artist know you're still there.

We saw Shawn Colvin and John Hiatt play solo acoustic sets last night at the 9:30 Club. Both, and Shawn Colvin in particular, played relatively mellow sets. Now, I hate to sound like a hypocrite after the first rule, especially since I have acted like an absolute ape at many of the shows that I've been too, but she would be playing a really nice, introspective song, and this goof kept shouting out "YAH!!!!" at the quietest moments. Might be appropriate at Ted Nugent, but not here.

4) Let the artist know that you've read an article or two about her.

Probably the same goof yelled out "How's your daughter?" and other daughter-related bits. I'm sure Ms. Colvin was impressed. Or maybe, as my wife suggested, concerned that you might be a stalker.

5) Yell out song requests, particularly if it's someone touring behind their first disc.

There will be some exceptions to the rule, but in general, the artist probably will stick to that set list taped to the stage. Even those that mix it up generally play what they feel like playing, and not what you are bellowing about, even if you are cool enough to shout out the name of something other than a hit single. Yeah, I know, you once saw someone who seemed to actually listen and played something that was shouted out. That's not going to happen very often, so do shut it.

And if it's someone with one album out, and they're playing a 40-60 minute set (like when I saw Pete Yorn play at a bookstore here a while back), chances are that they're going to get around to most of those tunes.

Drunk and Stoned....

2005-09-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

My hair, that is.

When I got in the shower this morning, I noticed that my wife had bought a bottle of conditioner that featured hemp as a key ingredient. This gave me the big idea of washing my hair with the little bottle of beer-powered shampoo that she got me a while back, then following up with the weed-enhanced conditioner.

Problem is, I'm getting a little paranoid now. I'm worried that, despite my desire to listen to NPR on the way to work to hear the news of Hurricane Katrina, my hair is going to demand that I put on the classic rock station. Then it will probably go through my address book and call up all the female entries saying things like "What are you doing? Us? Oh, nothing much. You should come out with us! And party!"

Emergency Adds to the List!

2005-08-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

I realized today that the list of things that people can stop doing is woefully incomplete without:

Get your ____ on.

Like, so and so is "getting his party on!" or "fine art on!" or "bubbaraygracie's boot to the groin on!"

So the list must be amended as follows:

1) Saying "It's all good." Especially to gloss over a situation that is not good at all.

2) Checking your Blackberry constantly wherever you are.

3) Listening to Jason Mraz. Or worse, dating him.

4) Saying "Getting your ____ on."

5) Riding Vespas

6) Wearing anything with Von Dutch on it -- or frankly, anything that you know darn well that you shouldn't. Like hats that say "John Deere" if you never rode on a mowner.

7) Calling Target "Tar-jay." I'm glad that Meaghan pointed this out, because it's really fucking stupid. Don't do it.

8) Feeling like you should be seen talking on your cell phone. At one time (like, in the last century) this may have made you look cool. Now every cabbie I ride with spends the whole time chatting away on one, and most janitorial workers have them too. It doesn't make you look cool to be the guy pacing back and forth outside a bar talking on one, or showing up at the club talking on one. That doesn't mean you shouldn't use them, just know that it's going to take more to make you look cool these days. Like playing with your Blackberry or wearing a Von Dutch hat.

I thought that taking over Iraqistan....

2005-08-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

....was going to drop the price of gas. I just paid $45 to fill my car all the way up (16+ gallons) with 87. Why, I've got half a mind to march down to the White House or the Capitol and give someone a piece of my mind!

Things You Don't Need to Do Anymore, Part 1

2005-08-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

I'm compiling a list of things that people can just stop doing. Here's the first three things.

1) Saying "It's all good." Especially to gloss over a situation that is not good at all.

2) Checking your Blackberry constantly wherever you are. We all get it. You have a little toy. Cute.

3) Listening to Jason Mraz. Apparently his new album "Mr. A-Z: (get it? get it? get it?) contains the line "I'm the wizard of oooh's and aaah's and fa-la-la's." Is he begging for a good punch in the groin or what?

BTW, thanks for checking on my plants and picking up the mail, boski!

Going Away til Aug. 20

2005-08-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'll be away on vacation and then work until Aug. 20. Hopefully my readership won't drop from the mid-single digits to the low-single digits when I get back.

Getting Misanthropic? (Hating the Nationals)

2005-08-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

I've had to come to grips with the fact recently that I hate the Washington Nationals.

I have nothing personal against these dudes who had been playing to tiny crowds in Canada.

But the way that the people of DC are so gaga over them makes me sick.

I was in favor of bringing a team to DC or a close-suburb for a long time -- basically since I made my first hour long treck from the NATION'S CAPITAL to Baltimore, Md., to watch a game. Or maybe it was when I realized that the trip made it unfeasible to catch a visit by the Red Sox after work. It has also galled me the way that Orioles manager Peter Angelos worked to deny the people of DC a team of their own, and I've hated the Orioles for most of my tenure here.

But the Nationals...where do I start?

Ok, I'll start with the notion that "baseball has finally come back to DC." Yes, the Orioles were a pain to get to, but in the grand scheme of things a heck of a lot closer to the average DC resident than, say, Yankee Stadium to the average resident of Syrcause. It's not like people here had never had the chance to see it before.

Plus the people who have actually lived in town for a long time -- not the transients who come here for a few years to work and then leave -- were around for the Senators leaving at least once. Maybe if those baseball-crazy folks had gone to a few more games, the Senators wouldn't have left twice.

Second, the Washington Post and pretty much everyone else is talking about the Nationals like they have the intelligence of children. Some dope wrote in to the Post to express her excitement about the fact that we finally have baseball here, ticking of reasons including that sports writers finally have the chance to use cliches like "moonshots." Message to you idiots: sports writers have found plenty of gainful employment in the metropolitan area writing about a nearby team. You may have heard of them. They're called the Orioles, and Roidy Palmiero (not to mention Eddie Murray) hit plenty of moonshots.

If that's not bad enough, here's a sample quote from one of those lucky scribes who has finally gotten the chance to view baseball.

"Afterward, they hugged, slapped hands, and lingered in the clubhouse, believing the whole season could run wonderfully along like this."

THIS IS THE DAMN WASHINGTON POST!!! THE SAME ONE WITH THE WHOLE WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN WATERGATE THING!!!

What makes things even worse is the attachment that people had to the "Nats" before that plucky band of hopefuls had tossed a pitch or hit a moonshot. Not to be a snob, but emotional investment is something that should build over time.

I may be biased, being a Red Sox fan and all that entails, but if you disagree, try looking at it this way: if you met a girl (or a guy) and halfway through your first date, you said "I'm falling in love with you," they would probably write you off as some kind of loser who was a little too clingy, right?

No? Ok, go try that strategy and see if it works. There's a reason that Trent said to play it cool and wait two days to call.

Plus, there are about four people who actually grew up in DC, as like I said earlier, most folks come to work or go to school for a few years and then leave. Message to you people: you came from somewhere else. Presumably, you rooted for some other team for 18 to 30 years or so. Try sticking with it. And Washington Post: stop encouraging this stupid behavior by writing about how these yahoos are living and dying with their Nats, ok?

Anyway, I find the Gnats so annoying that after all this time, I'm tempted to wear an Orioles jersey just to spite their loyal fanbase.

Theo Responds!

2005-08-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

FROM: THEO@REDSOX.COM
TO: BUBBARAYGRACIE

Dear Bubba:
Thanks for your telepathic message. It was a big help. I received it in between finishing my jam with several members of Buffalo Tom (one of your favorite bands) and answering a cell phone call from Big Papi (who you would probably give your right nut to meet). I can't thank you enough for your advice. Maybe you can also help me meet some chicks, as this is next to impossible for me, particularly when hanging around in the Boston area.

Your pal,
Theo

Amazing!

2005-07-31T18:33:00.000-07:00

My telepathic message ("first do no harm") got through to Theo Epstein.

In an odd twist...

2005-07-31T08:12:00.000-07:00

.... I've been reading lots of "real news" to distract myself from the horror that is Manny Ramierez. I'm still allowing myself to check Boston.com way too frequently, but I forced myself to get through a long Newsweek feature on John Roberts. Normally I'd never pick up Newsweak, and I also have a strange aversion to reading about the Supreme Court, so this was quite a feat on my part.

I hate the fact that:

a) Manny is being a total jerk.
b) He makes $20 million annually and I don't.
c) He became a lot more likeable last year, especially due to his post-season slugging, which is burned permanently on my mind.
d)Due to b), the Sox won't get anything approaching fair value for him.
e)Trading him at this point is unlike dishing Nomar, which looked bad at first but turned out really well because it fills no obvious void (ie bullpen) and Manny is hitting well.

All it seems to do is get rid of one of their best players, and replace him with a few lesser lights, not to mention possibly having to toss in one or two of the Sox top prospects.

Can't Whitey Bulger just threaten Manny that he'll kill him if he doesn't get his ass in gear, get on the field every night, stop botching easy plays, and to take a leak before jogging out the to the field?

No Free Lunch?

2005-07-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

My mom used to tell me that there was no such thing as free lunch. It only took me about 25 years, but I've started seeing what she means recently....I eat a fair amount of expensive lunches on other people's tabs (mostly defense contractors who are then probably charging the bill back to DOD, which then of course gets past back to me and all the other taxpayers) but I was just in a really good mood thinking it was hard to complain about a day where you get a nice white wine with lunch.

Then I thought of the craziness of billion dollar programs whose cost goes up by six times and started feeling guilty and annoyed about that wine and the lunch. And the dinners. Just when I thought I couldn't complain about something....

Timing is Everything...

2005-07-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

I got into my car and pulled out of the Pentagon parking lot the other day after meeting with a member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the first song on the radio was "What's so funny bout peace love and understanding?"

I kinda wish I heard it on the way in, because I would have bugged him about it, but even so, it was still pretty cool.

Attn: Beavis and Butthead

2005-07-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

I passed a truck that appeared to be delivering bar furniture the other day, and some genius painted white over the trucks advertisement for "pool tables" so it said "poo tables" but what was even better was that "poo tables" was listed right next to "stools."

Give me money now!

2005-07-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

Dan and Boski:
If each of you guys gave me $40,000, I could quit my job and do this full time. So quit freeloading and fork over the $40k! I'll give you till the end of this week.

I'm going to kill Rick Sutcliff....

2005-07-14T17:02:00.000-07:00

.... if I hear him say another f-ing thing...

First it was that the Red Sox and Yankee rivalry started with the Sox beating them in the playoffs last year. I thought I was just hearing things, and then he had to follow it up and clarify it by saying that no rivalry existed before.

I was almost willing to let it go until he said that the addition of the Green Monster seats has "really made this place special."

Like it wasn't the most beautiful (or if you're a Cubs fan, second most beautiful) park in the league with an awesome atmosphere to boot?

I'll be watching you, Sutcliff!

The Rolling Stones Almost Ruined the All Star Game

2005-07-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

... for me with that horrible commercial for Ameriquest. Lending a song to a stupid commercial is tolerable, but their performance in that thing ruined my night until I saw Terry Francona in the AL dugout doing his duty as manager of the WORLD SERIES CHAMPS. Suck on that NY!

Live 8

2005-07-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

So now that the "Concert to End Poverty" is over, is, um, poverty done with?

Catalog Porn

2005-07-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

So I was leafing through the Musician's Friend catalog yesterday, which basically is like porn for me that I can leave out in the open because I like looking at all the guitars but am really unlikely to buy anything in that catalog in the near term other than strings, and started getting irritated with the pictures of keyboards, tape recorders, and other assorted recording gear like headphones. Pages of headphones....

I finally put my finger on why I hate all the non-guitar features of the catalog, and it's something like this -- if you pick up Playboy, chances are, you want heterosexual porn. And if you started flipping pages, and all of a sudden came upon some gay stuff, you might not be thrilled (unless, of course, it was hot girl on girl action, but you see my point). I mean, gay sex is fine and all, but that's not what one buys Playboy for. And then if you started seeing some she-males or something, you would be further annoyed, which is kind of how I feel when the pics go from nice guitars to basses to keyboards to headphones.

Social Distortion Gets Cooking

2005-06-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Social D's "Live at the Roxy" in the car the other night, and perhaps inspired by Meaghan's post at http://bloginthroat.blogspot.com/ re: City of Compton vs. City of Gumption, I thought it would be cool if they redid the song "The Creeps" which has the refrane "I just want to give you the creeps/the creeps/the creeps/I just want to give you the creeps" with "crepes" instead of "creeps."

Pool Rules

2005-06-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

Those in charge of my building put up some new rules for the pool.

You may not go in the pool for two weeks after having diarrea.

Seriously.

I have no idea how they are going to enforce this.

Hilarity on Amazon.com

2005-06-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

My wife and I went on Amazon.com to find a Star Wars toy for one of our nephew's birthdays. While we settled on a Darth Vader slip and slide, I thought this review was pretty convincing for the Darth Vader Hover disc:

M. Lindsey "a dad that cares and is master jedi and a depressed single parent that has 3 kids and i live with grandma and grandpa" (in your home) - See all my reviews

THIS TOY IS GREAT IT KEEPS THOSE KIDS AND CRITTERS OFF MY FAMILIES YARD IF SOMEONE OR SOMTHING APPORCHES AND IF I THINK IT IS THREATINING I THOW IT AT THE VERMIT OR JUVINAL AND THEY RUN AND OR KEEP COMMING INTO MY HOUSE SO THIS IS WHEN THE LIGHT SABER WOULD COME IN HANDY SO I DEFEND MY FAMILY WITH MY MACE WINDU LIGHT SAVER AND CHASING THEM AWAY MY KIDS ARE ALL PROUD OF ME. GREAT BUY BUY THIS

Things I learned about Italy

2005-06-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

I recently got back from spending more than a week touring Italy, Greece and the French Riviera. It was my second trip to Europe, and first in about 20 years. Here are some things I learned:

-- In Italy, pasta is often cooked part way, and then tossed in the pan with the sauce and some vegetable broth. Very tasty! I had the best pesto I've ever had there.

-- A "bar" in the U.S. generally is place where people drink booze and maybe eat too. And pick up chicks. Over there, a bar is a place where people can get a variety of drinks, including beer, but mainly stick to coffee.

-- Italian is way easier to speak than Greek. I know understand the phrase "It's all Greek to me" and the variations on it...Even just a few simple words in Greek felt impossible.

Oh, here's my latest posting on the Boston Herald forum as KevinMilarFan...nobody seems to appreciate the humor.

ok i made a kevin millar story before but it got erased and i don't know what happened to it so i'm making another one here and i hiope you like it ok!!?!

KEVIN MILLAR SAVES THE WORLD

So Kevin Millar was hanging out in the club hous one day and George W. Bush called him and was like "Kevin Millar there's a problem and the world is going to end because there's this huge astroid coming straight at the Earth!!! Can you save us?"

And Kevin Millar was like "No problem man I can do it!!!!"

So Kevin Millar got intoo a rocket ship and he flew into space and he saw the astroid and it was like wicked huge and he broke his bat trying to smash it and then he broke like 20 other bats trying and it wouldn't work but he wasn't worried. And then he got back into the ship and went back to Fenway Park!!! Where he got Manny and David Ortiz and told them the problem and they went back into space and saw the atstriod but those guys were kind of scared of it so Kevin Millar was cheering them on and he was saying things like "Yeah Manny!!!! Yeah Big Papi!!!!" And Manny and David Ortiz smashed the asttroid and the world was safe!!!!!

And that's the end.

Oh i forgot that Bush was so happy that Kevin Millar saved the world that he gave him a gift certificate to KFC so Kevin Millar could have all the chicken and bisuits and stuff that he wants for the rest of his life.

More fun with the Herald (and last post til June 15)...

2005-06-01T15:21:00.000-07:00

These ones were made under my moniker of "stoahtwentyfoah" (get it, like the convenience store Store24 in Massachusetts), and feature a cameo by www.dantobindantobin.com

http://news.bostonherald.com/forums/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=2192;start=msg21070#msg21070

http://news.bostonherald.com/forums/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=5280;start=msg53906#msg53906

These will be my last posts til June 15....

Messing with the Boston Herald Red Sox forum

2005-05-31T19:48:00.000-07:00

I started messing with the people on the Boston Herald forum last summer/fall for kicks, and they demonstrated that few of them have any sense of humor. I don't know why I wasted my effort again, but I was bored last night and started a few threads under the screen name "kevinmillarfan" mainly because while I am iffy about Millar, I think it's goofy how every one of those dopes needs to start a separate thread about how bad he sucks. None of them were terribly nice to me, given that I was posting as a 9 year old...

witness:

http://news.bostonherald.com/forums/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=16079

http://news.bostonherald.com/forums/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=16144

and a response here:

http://news.bostonherald.com/forums/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=16066;start=msg251357#msg251357

sorry i didn't make them into hot links but I already forgot the lesson that www.dantobindantobin.com gave me and am too tired to look it up.